life is....

its always been said that life is only 10% what happens but 90% how you react to it.....
this seems to be a reoccurring thought in my mind this week...
and its been a long week to say the least.

i know i don't get very personal in this blog. i generally stick with blogging about workouts and the occasional things about my kids....and of course my rants and rambles about prep....

but today's post is different.
*warning-long post ahead*

to start off with,i haven't been to the gym in a week. have not been doing anything at home either. typically that would bother the crap out of me,especially since i am in prep now,for so many things!but i have missed the gym for a good reason and i don't feel guilty at all for not going.
so what made the week so long?
what made it so rough?
well,as i mentioned in my last post,i have hit a few bumps in the road,and this week those little bumps turned to some hills
(not mountains...thank goodness! things could have been a lot worse,but weren't,so i am truly thankful and blessed!)

so a brief (ok,its kindof long)summery of the week:

last Saturday lil M spiked a high fever (104)
Sunday:she went to the walk in and got on antibiotics for double ear infection
Monday:trip to pediatrician. diagnosed with ear infections and bronchitis.more antibiotics,breathing treatments every 3hrs.
later that night as i was about to go to the gym,my middle baby decided to swallow a metal magnetic ball so it was a trip to the ER. 3 hours of waiting and we were told she just had to poop it out...she is fine,but knows better now than to put stuff in her mouth. came back home to a very very grumpy baby.
Tuesday: lil M's fever was back and she lost her appetite. cranky pants all day.not acting her self. as i was about to do an evening run on the home TM,literally putting on my shoes and passing M off to Terry,he got called into work for an emergency twin delivery. he didn't get home until really late,so no TM or home workout due to M being awake and having a high fever.
Wednesday: M had stopped eating and drinking and her fever would not go down. she was getting dehydrated,lethargic,listless and just wasn't acting "right",so after i spoke with her pediatrician, i took her to the ER on Wednesday night.
she was admitted then and after chest xrays and such she was diagnosed with pneumonia and hypoxia. basically she needed to be on continuous oxygen until her O2 sats were up without it.
she was also getting dehydrated so she had to have an IV.
Thursday: bright and early,M's IV became infiltrated (basically the fluids went into the tissue and not in the veins). her arm swelled up and turned blue and it was HORRIBLE!
they didn't re stick her until later,when my husband switched shifts with me. (i had afternoon/night shift,he had morning/early afternoon)when i went home to be with the older kids,lil M was stuck not once,not twice,not thrice,but 7 times to get in another IV
poor baby!
later that night when i went back to spend another night there,i was holding her and when i went to switch sides for her to be on,she had the IV in her hand and when i moved and she moved,she pulled the IV out!!!!!!
but with a face like this one,how could i be mad???

since it had taken so long to get the 2nd IV in,we chose to wait to try for a 3rd,and she got 2doses of IM antibiotic shots.....

eeeep!

by this point M's fever had still not broke and was still up to about 103. Tylenol and Motrin weren't working.....

i was worried. worried her fever wouldn't go down,worried her o2 sats wouldn't go up. i worried like mommies do.i hated my baby was in pain and i couldn't take it away from her.

its a miserable feeling when your baby is sick and you cant do anything.

i was also exhausted,running on no sleep over a 48hr span.
Friday: at 3 am M's fever broke. still no appetite,not drinking,eating. still lethargic and listless. if she didn't get fluids in,she needed to have a feeding tube,which would prolong her stay.Friday afternoon,she had had 3 ounces of formula and a bite of bananas and for 5 minutes,she did this:

she actually played in her hospital crib.
her fever was gone,she was off oxygen,her o2 sats were up and she wasn't acting lifeless anymore. she had turned the corner!
so this momma bought her a new outfit to come home in,and even though i don't have a pic of that,i do have a pic of the shoes:


(I'm dropping hints to her early to be a runner,LOL!)
even though she was still not 100%.she was moving in the right direction.
Friday night she had another 5 minute bout of playfulness.
just when we are feeling a little bit relieved about lil M's situation,we got a phone call we knew was coming,but hoping it wouldn't.

my husbands pappa had passed away.
he had fallen ill at Christmas and we knew it was just a matter of time.

i was at the hospital with M,while hubs was at home with the older 2 when he got the news.
this morning,(Saturday)M was discharged after promising to take her back to he ER if she didn't eat/drink anything.
early this afternoon,my husband and son made the trip to TN to be at the funeral.M is still too sick to travel. i hate it we cant all go as a family.....

my husband was very close to this man,the man he was named after,the man my son was named after,the man that taught my husband how to hunt,how to live off the land.....
( i could go on and on about pappa,but will save that for a rainy day.)

my children and their cousins were close to pappa as well:

this was the last picture i had taken for that Christmas night.even though pappa was too sick to hold M,i am so thankful he got to meet her and that the kids got to spend one last Christmas with him!

life is fleeting

life has its ups and downs

life happens when you decide to make plans

but ultimately,life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.....

so how did i choose to react to life this week?

i tried to look at the positives and tried not to focus on the negative.

YES,it was HORRIBLE when my 6 month old baby had to be in the hospital,poked,prodded, and sick,

BUT it could have been worse. she could have been sicker,could have had a longer stay,etc etc.

she is feeling better now,and she is at home with me to love on,cuddle with and take care of....

(and,having a husband who works at the hospital has its perks when its HIS baby needing care. we were treated like family during our stay-other than the no sleep thing,everyone did their best to make us as comfortable as possible,and of course M got the royal treatment!)

YES it sucks not having sleep.but God wires mothers differently i think,and somehow gives us the energy and strength we need to take care of babies when they need us.i may feel like dog poo right now,but the well being of my children comes before mine.

YES it sucked not getting in ANY workouts,it sucked being thrown off nutrition (not horrible by any means but not great for prep),its not fun not getting any sleep and knowing i still have to function as a mom and wife.....

BUT I've said this a hundred times over,and will say it again,my children and husband are first and foremost and will always be first over the gym and workouts......

the gym will always be there,but the little moments of my children's lives wont be. they wont be little forever,they wont need me how they do now forever,so i will cherish the times when motherhood isn't that much fun...i may complain at times,but its all worth it in the end!

and YES it is hard hearing the news about pappa. it is hard knowing my husband is so sad and that we aren't able to go as a family to the funeral.

it will be challenging to be home a week without the boys,to be solo taking care of a sick baby,to be without my main valentine on valentines day......

but the positive side is that we know pappa is with meme now.families are for forever!he isn't hurting anymore and we feel so blessed we did get to see him one last time,and that he was able to meet M. she made his heart smile!

Pappa lived a good,full life and we have tons of memories to keep his love alive.

my son and husband get a chance to bond more on the long trip to TN. i get to spend time with just the girls while the boys are gone. i can have A to help out with M when she can (age appropriate of course).
and,any day can be valentines day...i don't need a special day set aside to tell my husband and children i love them!

i will make it through the end of this week and next,i will stay positive and remember these quotes:

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says~~"Oh Crap, She's up!"

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it...."

for anyone out there still reading this-bless your heart,congratulations for completing this novel!
here's to better times ahead and getting back on track with training!