to get what I'm talking about,read
PART 1
(the videos take a few minutes,be prepared)
before i get into all the "drama",
please keep in mind i am not the "trash talker" or "mean girl" i was portrayed to be in the videos.
to those that know me,i don't need to explain myself. however,i do understand this is a blog and there may be some who don't know me who stumble across this....
a brief rundown for the new ones:
i have been a competitive athlete since i was 8 years old and have never in my life been a sore loser (or winner) or claim to be the greatest athlete ever.
i have played team sports since i was 12,have been on track.cross country and swim teams at the collegiate level and understand the dynamics of individual and team sports and have always let my actions speak louder than my words.
I'm sharing this story of mine in hopes that others can relate to the situation,and to expose the not so pretty side of Figure.
if anyone out there has a story,please share!
SO having said all that...
WHAT was all that figure drama all about? (my side of it)
grab your cup of coffee and read on! (this is kindof lengthy!)
Back track to my "come back" show,September 13th,2008. after taking over a year off from competing,i finally got the guts to step on stage again without having the idea in mind to please the judges. i went on stage looking how
I had wanted to look and wasn't concerned about the subjective opinions of judges.
i wanted to feel good in my own skin again,and if i placed well,well then,that was just icing on the cake!
as it turned out,i actually won overall at that show,a "clean sweep" so to speak,as i had won both novice and open overall,and even edged out a Pro gal (yup,that same one i edged out to get my pro card,that same gal who was on that team in the videos from last post)
so here's what happened.
during that local show ( not a pro qualifier),there were rumors of a Pro figure gal being there. when i actually saw who this pro was,i was almost star struck,seeing as this gal was teeny TINY. i was always told i was WAY too small to turn Pro,and yet here this gal was, a whopping 102lbs and a Pro. it gave me hope!
of course i just wanted to sit and chat with her and get her opinions advice on things. i tried to talk to her. she wasn't mean,but she wasn't nice. any questions i tried to ask,i was a given a short one or two word answer. so i took that as my cue to leave her alone.
some people just don't want to chat backstage,or can be just plain snooty,and that's fine.to each her own.
when i ended up winning the whole show,i was excited,on cloud nine. this was my first win,my first victory and i was just in a state of awe that i was able to compete again,and be able to hold my own (against a pro!)and for the first time i didn't beat myself up after a show...
the next day,i had written up a show recap on bodybuilding.com.
i had NO INTENTION at all to hurt any ones feelings or make any direct attacks against this Pro gal,but Unfortunately,how i worded my post,it came across the wrong way--even though it wasn't intentional at all.
in my head,i was just doing a recap,like a journal entry. i didn't even think about other people,especially those on her team,would be reading.
this is when i learned about having to re-read a post before clicking "post",and also when i learned that you cant always write down the first thing that pops in your head on a public forum.
boy what a lesson for this shy,tender hearted girl to learn!
the ONE time in my life i ever prided myself,it totally backfired!
for those who know me,they know that i am by no means a "mean girl". never have been,never will be. I've been so shy my entire life,always that girl in the corner no one notices...
but in my happy,over excited state of mind,i just spilled a word vomit recap and left it at that.
what i wrote:
something along the lines of(cant remember all of it,but do remember the not so nice parts that i got reamed for).
...yeah it was a great show,lots of nice girls backstage,well ran event, one pro gal seemed like snooty.....tough class, i won overall,a clean sweep,i beat out a pro! so happy,....she had better stage presence,i had a better back,she had better abs,i had better hip flexors...maybe a prettier face?...close competition....
lots of fun...felt my competitive side come out....
daughter was really sick so couldn't hang around to talk to judges...looking forward to competing again...
on cloud nine,loving the feel of victory...
had subway and chocolate after show....blah blah blah...
i didn't re-read this and take out the parts that made it appear like i was better than or had something against this girl.
a little while later,when the comments started pouring in,i found out really quick my big blunder.
the ENTIRE team came and basically chewed me up one side and spit me out the other.
and in my opinion,they had grounds for that. if it were me on that team and someone else wrote that,i would be upset too!
i braced myself after the first comment.
a few examples of the nicer ones:
"i was going to congratulate you on your win,BUT....you are classless and are a disrespect to this sport"
"you are classless"
"how dare you! you are a disgrace to this sport"
"so not the graceful winner i thought you were"
"you only won by one point..it was a tie...you have
obvious flaws in YOUR physique.....don't cash your check before it bounces off your a$$"
and these are just a few of the nicer comments i received.
so what did i do??? what could i do to fix this?
i was so crushed i had hurt so many people over just a few words that i shouldn't have put in a public forum.
first,i went back to my post and deleted all the parts that were found offensive,
and then i replied to ALL those who commented.
i actually thanked them for "putting me back in my place" and even commended them for being such a great team and sticking up for one of their own. i admitted i was wrong and i apologized profusely.
THEN i emailed the girl i offended and explained myself,apologized like a mad woman,telling her that i had no intention to come across how i did and that i didn't have anything against her,and that i had actually wanted to speak with her in regards about turning Pro.
she accepted my apology and explained herself,telling me that she is generally quiet backstage,and usually just sticks to her teammates. she was nice in her emails,and it was then that i thought issues were resolved.
(i totally understood how being quiet can result in others thinking of you as being stuck up. this is still something that happens to me to this day.)
although i felt better that she accepted my apologies,i still felt awful.
the next day when i checked comments,i had even more not so nice replies to my heartfelt apologies to EVERYONE on that team.
that gals BF took my post the hardest,as any BF would do. i know that if the situation was the other way around,my hubs would have reacted the same way and i sure hope a team i was on would stick up for me as well.
however,after my apologies to not only the girl i offended but to everyone on the team,
all i got in response from them (not the pro gal,she had already accepted apologies and things were settled)
was:
"this is not a sincere apology.... you are just trying to save face"
" tactless...disgrace...disrespecting the sport...not sincere at all...."
" your apology is superficial"
"superficial because you just realized what team you offended"
....and many more of the same
really???????
i am such a people pleaser,i hate it when anyone is mad at me,and all i want to do is fix the problem i created!
what do i do?how could i fix this? i was raised to admit when I'm wrong and to fix any mistakes i make to the best of my abilities.
this whole situation i got myself into really really bothered me...i have NEVER experienced anything like this and didnt know what to do or what to say.
what i did next---
i made a PUBLIC apology on the boards,explaining i was in the wrong and was admitting my mistake,and making it known to everyone that this was a sincere effort to apologize..
explained i learned my lesson and was humbled.
gave props to the team for sticking up for each other and defending what they believed in.
gave my respects and apologies...
then left it at that,
despite that no one,(other than the pro gal,)accepted in writing that apology.
so then i layed low.
i deleted my profile on body space and created a new one.
i layed WAY low and the only time i went on there was to track progress and talk about road races. i did not mention i would be competing again,and honestly,i didn't know if i wanted to.
well, truth be told i DID want to try my hand at winning my pro card,but i did not want to compete against this team again.
i wanted to do a pro qualifier,but the only one i could do that was feasible from a travel standpoint would be the OCB Midwest....the SAME show that entire team would be at,all trying to get their 2nd pro cards.
i was honestly afraid to be backstage with those girls and feared i would get cornered and beat up. seriously. i really thought i would be physically harmed,and if not that,then belittled in front of others.
through out this ordeal,my husband encouraged me to not worry about other people and to do the show anyways. he was highly upset with the situation with the other team. he knew i tried to fix the problem i created,and wasn't happy with the not so nice replies i received after my apologies.
even though i tried to back out of that show 325267.9999 times,it was my husband who encouraged me the entire show prep, telling me i couldn't give up now and that i needed to follow my dream despite the drama episode. i didn't need to let other people discourage me to chase my dream of that pro card.
he also said i would feel a lot better if i had the chance to apologize in person.
so it was then that i made my mind up that i NEEDED to do this show. i needed to apologize face to face with this girl...and if that personal apology wasn't accepted by her and her team,then shame on them and not me,because i had given my full effort into fixing my mistakes.
i wouldn't feel at ease until the apology.
even then,i was uneasy about competing again with this team.
but on the day of the show,the FIRST thing i did at check in was find this gal and apologize face to face. apologized with all that i had,told her i didn't mean to hurt her feelings or say anything demeaning.i was almost in tears and then bless her heart, she gave me a big hug in southern fashion and told me she accepted and didn't hold anything against me.
*SIGH OF RELIEF*
burden off my shoulders!
at that point,i felt at ease and knew i could compete with a clear conscience.
backstage went fine.although to play safe, i stayed way way way far away from that team and hardly made eye contact.
after i won,all was kosher backstage-hugs and congrats were given. all was well and right in my world....
the team was very professional backstage and no mean words or harsh glares were given. no drama!
:D
and then 3 months later the videos came out.
after i thought all was said and done with,the videos came out.on the largest bodybuilding website ever. i had NO IDEA I WAS BEING FILMED.
until Norton himself emailed me and told me about the series.
at first i was OK with it,but my husband wasn't. nope not at all. it was almost a
lawsuit.
almost.
i had to explain this whole situtaion to me new sponser,and that was hard. but Andy was awesome and told me he KNEW just by the way i conducted myself in person,on the phone and through emails that i wasnt how the videos portrayed me. he even laughed about it all and told me at least i got my 15 minutes of fame and was publicly broadcasted on the one of the biggest bodybuilding sites ever!
:D
a couple months later everything was resolved,all apologies were given and accepted.
my name didn't appear to be tainted by the political pull this team has,and my husband and i got to review the final cut of the episode before it was posted.
all was right again!
*****side note****
( 3 months later i competed with the same team AGAIN. not the same group of girls,but Norton's wife,and a few others. they weren't expecting me to be there,as this was a last minute "warm up" show for me before my pro debut.
all i can say is that i won my 2nd pro card that night....and the other girls i went up against in the finals were from this team,including the wife....
as soon as i won overall and a pro card,my husband hollered,unbeknown to me,
"[they] STILL cant beat you,Melissa!"
as i was walking backstage to get my things,my phone rang and my husband warned me things may get tense backstage,i looked behind me,see the wife, then all hell broke lose backstage and i was physically cornered backstage by this team.at first it was brought up nicely,but eventually i was cornered,voices were raised(not by me)i was told numerous times i needed to control what my husband said and that his comment was classless and uncalled for and out of line and was just digging up old bones...this went on and on...they were beyond pissed that my husband said that.
why they didn't confront my husband? no idea. maybe because he is 3x bigger than any guy they have on the team,maybe because he looks mean and i was easier to yell at?
all i could say was that i had no control over my husbands words,i congratulated the team on their placings,said they all looked great,commended the wife for her awesome physique transformation,told her to hold her head up high bc she worked hard for her 1rst place in division (she got booed when she won...now THAT to me was disrespectful of the audience!!!) i stressed that i could not control my husband,things calmed down slightly,i said congrats again and i somehow managed to ease my way out of the corner....
needless to say,many emails were exchanged between my husband and Norton.
everything was eventually resolved and ironed out.
whew-NO MORE DRAMA!!!!!!
and now back to that drama from the Midwest show...
the lessons i learned/ relearned from all of this?
*ALWAYS be humble and conduct yourself as such,even if you win big or lose big.everyone at the competitions have worked just as hard and are all winners!
*keep your thoughts about other competitors in your head ,both backstage and on public forums....unless its something uber awesome to say!
*i used to think politics didn't exist in this sport. sad to say,but it does! i always enjoy seeing an underdog in the mix simply for that fact.
*Integrity is measured not by good works or good deeds,but rather by accepting defeat and admitting when one is wrong.
*we are all athletes here,and regardless how others treat you,regardless how carb depleted and emotional you may feel be humble and be a good sport!
*ALWAYS follow the
TAN RULE backstage. always.
(and thank you T for that post btw!)
if your still reading...wow!glad you made it through the novel! hope your stilll a follower,AND
please feel free to share your stories,i would love to hear about them!also,what would YOU have done in my situation?
