bags packed

ready to hit the road in 4 hours!
making the long 12-14hr drive(depending on how many stops it takes with 3 small kids)
back home to TN!
will be MIA for a week or so..
my MIL lives out in nowhereville,TN and i am so ready to be in that little log cabin out in the woods,towards the bottom of the hollar,and close to the farm...

(from those who arent from the south hollar(also spelled holler in some areas, especially Kentucky)  is  very old Southern USA term meaning "down the road a spell" or, more accurately, "down in the valley a ways.")

true country living still exist in these parts...
it will be a breath of fresh air for us all,away from the hustle and bustle of city life!


hope all have a wonderful,happy and safe thanksgiving!!!!
just make the best of it and remember all the reasons you have to be thankful for so many things in life!

2012 plans to be coming soon!

i've asked a lot from myself

wow,its been almost a week since i blogged?
well, I'm still here.
I'm still in the gym but only about 4x per week.
i should have stopped this de-loading phase last week,but am really enjoying the non pressure of just being in the gym for the sake of lifting,and not thinking about lifting heavy or speed work.
although i have started running again...and it feels good! to just run for the sake of running!

normally,i would be driving myself crazy right now,telling myself to find another athletic goal ASAP,telling myself i have to always be doing something to push myself harder,always wanting to do and be more....

but last week as i was running,i had a moment of clarity (yup,i seem to always have my best thoughts/ideas/epiphanies while running).

my big thought?
i have asked a lot from my body this year.
i have asked it to recover faster than normal from the birth of child #3,
i made this body ready to compete in my first ever sprint triathlon,
then turn around 2 weeks later to win my 3rd  figure pro card almost 8 months after having a baby.

i forged through with running to win (in my shock) a local 5k race (and $100!) as well as make several first in age group placings in local road races (and win more $$$)!.
i also put the huge task and physical strain on this body to qualify for the World Cup....

and i did! and i was able to compete on the World Cup stage!

so yes,my body has been through a LOT of hard training over the past 10 months. i have ran 1818.78 miles and have spent over 300 hours training.
i asked so much from myself his year,no wonder my body is enjoying this break!!!

BUT 2012 is just around the corner,and i am gearing up to ask much more of myself..
i will enjoy the "rest" now,
big plans are coming next year,
i am adding more things in my schedule aside from a Marathon!
stay tuned to find out what!
oh yeah and about that secret...just a few more days-then the reveal!

happy Thursday yall!
will promise to pick back up with regular blogging/commenting soon!!

things i learned along the way...true grit,i am unbreakable

*Warning: long post ahead*

I've always considered myself a strong person,physically and mentally,
and in regards to emotions,well lets just say I've been described as stoic by others.
You don't have to be an athlete to be a strong person from the inside out.
i know plenty of non athletes,non competitors who have more true grit in real life than anyone else-

(my grandmother being a prime example)
and i am reminded of what my Opa had to say about building inner strength and character...
something along the lines of:

i think life molds you,

circumstances,choices,decisions,actions and reactions,all make you who you are and how you handle yourself in the world.

and yes,he alluded to having grit.
What is this grit?

"firmness of mind or spirit; unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger."
(Webster Dictionary)

But if you get right down to it, "grit" is an attitude, a belief that you can conquer anything, if you stick with it. It's a belief in yourself, a determination to win, a plan for success. It's sticking to a job until "it sticks to you." It's not giving up, nor giving in. It's putting your best into a project. It's not giving in to your five-year-old when she wants ice cream before dinner. Where I come from,we also call it "spunk," or "full of spit," or just plain "determination."

"Your determination determines the determination of your life"

Grit is that the person who tackles the problems in life head on, deals with the trials of life and living, and looks on problems as challenges and the sound of potential defeat as a call to action.
It is the never-give-up, never-give-in, act-not-react type of individual, who has "True Grit," and who, when confronted by an adversary, spits in his eye.

So what does this all have to do with things i learned along this latest journey of mine to the Pro stage?
yup you guessed it.
Grit.
i found it....

i already figured out that i am way more stronger than what i ever imagined,physically,mentally and emotionally.
i learned that just when i think my body can physically do no more,just when i think i cant lift heavier,cant run further or faster....
it can,
and it does,
even when every fiber in my being tells me it cant.
i learned that i miss having energy to play for hours with my children towards the end of prep.
i learned that my body loves and needs carbs.without much of them,i turn into a very grouchy mommy.
i learned that its just as important to be  humble in the face of a heartbreaking loss,as is a stunning victory.
i learned that although i am a Pro,i am still a rookie.......
and its a long way to the top.sometimes,when you are thrown at the very bottom of a deep well,you are merely being forced to travel in the only direction left to go,which is straight back UP,right to the top.

but one thing that is standing out for me about what i have learned,is learning something about myself.
well realizing something from a different perspective i should say...
2 things actually.
the most obvious...
i found i have Grit. True Grit,just like John Wayne!
and the 2nd...

remember the last post about "normal"?
well,i have never wanted to be that. i have always strived to be above average in everything i have set out to do,and this has transcended into not only athletics,but in all aspects of life.

and i think it has finally sunk in that I,and other people in this subculture of physique competitions are a different breed.(this can even be said of extreme athletes,such as triathletes and endurance and Olympic athletes)
it takes a special type of person to be a Figure (bodybuilder,fitness,bikini,etc) Athlete.

it takes nothing less than true grit,nothing less than an intrinsic desire to reach and exceed expectations,not only of yourself but of others as well.

it takes discipline,strong will and a desire to never give up,no matter what the circumstances are.
it takes a special drive to push the body to its breaking point,even when you feel its past that point,even when the mind is screaming at you to stop,
hell,even when your body is screaming at you to stop....
you don't.
you keep going
above and beyond thresholds you didn't know existed until you broke through them...

it takes going that extra mile,doing that extra lift,adding more when you want to do less,
and yet some days it takes training smarter not harder....

it takes a sense of fine tuning your physique and knowing and understanding nutritional limits,nutritional science and how it all plays a role for the bigger picture...
not only for show day,but for overall physical health and nutrition.
and it takes applying all of this,this entire mindset, to real,everyday life.
this is how you know you are an athlete for life.
when there becomes no real "off season".

so even though i wont compete in figure for another year or so,i still feel like i will always be that crazy head athlete. its just a part of me,not the whole part mind you. theres more to me than just fitness!!!

BUT bottom line,i learned that yes,i am not "normal",and in the whole process of training for this last show,i realized that i really do have more true grit inside of me than i ever thought.
i learned that i can get through anything life throws at me
i learned that i am unbreakable.

and just before i was about to post this,i read something from Jennifer's blog today and thought i would share it here.
I AM UNBREAKABLE
 By: Lucas G. Irwin


Most people don’t understand, but you’re ok with that. For you, training is not a hobby or a social activity; it is a way of life. Those around you say that you are obsessed, taking it too far and possibly insane. They can’t understand why you won’t eat birthday cake, why you bring Tupperware full of chicken to a party or why you go to sleep early on a Friday to rest up for a Saturday training session. But you don’t care. Their accusatory tones, sarcastic remarks and insults are merely cotton bullets firing at a titanium wall of perseverance known as YOU. You know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that any negativity that surrounds you is fueled purely by jealousy. Jealous that you are capable of unconditionally committing to something that most cannot stick to for more than a few weeks as part of their yearly resolution. Jealous that you gladly embrace a level of pain, discomfort and fatigue that others cringe at the idea of suffering a fraction of. Jealous that you take time to count carbs, protein, fats and calories while they count their chicken nuggets to make damn sure their 10 piece isn’t a 9 piece. In short, they’re Jealous of YOU. Ironically, all the comments, nagging and questioning that is meant to break you down a little, does just the opposite. Every negative word reminds you of how special and uncommon your mechanical allegiance to training really is, in turn, pushing you harder. So bring it on! Let them call you obsessed, crazy or insane and watch you get stronger with every word. The only one who can slow you down is yourself. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, you are both an immovable object and an unstoppable force……
YOU ARE UNBREAKABLE.


Let your mantra for this week be this: Get Grit...... and be unbreakable!


Happy Friday yall!!!!!

taking a step into "normal"

and going back to my roots..... (more on that in a minute)

so the past 11 days i have been walking on the "normal" side of life.
(does normal really exist though? ahhh,the blurry lines of distinguishing what is normal and what isn't. in my opinion,no one is "normal"!)
 but for this situation,
"normal" meaning:
NOT waking up before dawn to run,NOT planning workouts for the day (no worries,I've still been in the gym!) NOT pre-making meals (no cooking chicken by the pounds!really?) NOT going balls to the wall in the gym EVERYDAY,
NOT running at 10PM after the kids are asleep, NOT dreaming about food,NOT feeling guilty about watching Food Network....
and not feeling guilty about a million pieces the occasional piece of Halloween candy, possibly daily.
oh and finally being able to have coffee...WITH pumpkin spice creamer!

so this is what "normal" feels like?
eh....although i am really enjoying the sense of nutritional freedom (i think I've baked more this past week than i have in a while-from pumpkin chocolate chip cookies,cupcakes,hashbrown casserole,twice baked spaghetti,etc,etc...)
i am already missing the structure of prep and am ready to get back to MY normal....

my normal meaning:
*crazy workout plans(-ie laying in a puddle of blood,sweat and tears and actually wanting to repeat the process the next day-yes im sick like that)
*listing goals
*structured meal planning (but with room for moderation of course! skipping the treat bites everyday and going back to my normal of  modified cheat meal 1x per week,with the usual healthy stuff during the week)
*enjoying running
*loving to lift
*reaching and exceeding expectations
* being my typical, "crazy head athlete" self

over the past 11 days i have learned something about myself. but will save that for tomorrow's post!
(things i learned along the way)
over the past 11 days i have felt my strength return in the weight room,my patience levels have increased with my children,and i generally feel like things are getting back on track after the show.
of course,aside from the post show bloats. i swear i feel like i have gained 454,677,887.9 pounds.
each time i make a vow to myself to reverse my nutrition plan,but to be honest,i haven't this time.
and the weird part?
i don't feel guilty.
my body NEEDED the break
i gave into my cravings
and i am easing back into my "normal".
and i am feeling good about this decision.

i am also feeling good about transitioning  into an "off season" (do they really exist??)
i am making a choice to go back to my "roots".
not the genealogical kind,but going back to my first passion,the place i feel most at home.....

i am making and finalizing my 2012 plans and athletic adventures.
one big hint??

26.2

yes,im taking the plunge into Marathoning!
how can i do this while also trying to get size for my next show?
part of that falls into place with my big secret(stay tuned for the big reveal!)
and part of that secret is the reason i am incorporating more crazy things (aside from shows) in my life....
its going to be a crazy ride yall!!
more on that later!!

but,back to basics here,
 i do know that i am going back to running,
i am going back "home"...
(and may join  Jennifer on the dark side in the near future.....)

these past 11 days i have taken a step into normal,only to find i like my normal better (with room for moderation)
these past 11 days,i have felt more at ease than ever after a show,
i have a sense of calm and a clear sense of the path i need to be following,
it may be a crazy head athlete path,but its my path,and I'm excited to be making a new journey in 2012!!!

top 5-and feedback

ok top 5
from left to right,2nd,3rd,1rst,5th,4th



picture courtesy of photoreflect
so far,the judges feedback comes down to three things

1) SIZE:
i am WAY too small. i need to get bigger shoulders and a stronger V. i need to build more mass,bottom line.
2) POSING:
my posing was off. i wasn't displaying my physique in a way that gave me justice. i have to learn a better way to showcase my strong points,and minimize my weak points. my presentation could have been better as well.
i do agree with this 100%. i was sick and felt physically unable to flex and keep things tight 100% on stage. i did try,but needed to get in my stance and readjust several times.that was noticed!!!
3) TANNING
my tan was very splotchy and it showed on stage. it was even called "distracting". GAH!!!
my days of Dream Tan are over,next show i will be using spray tan LSR

and one glimpse of feedback i received threw me for a loop,and i don't agree with. (HOWEVER,in this judges defense,i did not see myself on stage,they see me at angles i cant see myself,so i know i looked different to them,than i looked backstage,and i looked different when posing is not well.)
i was told i was way too soft and that my glutes need work. i was also told that if i brought the same detail as i did last show,i would have placed better......
hmmm,last show i was way too lean and detailed.

so there it is.
i have some thinking to do.
one thing i do know for sure is that i am taking a full year off of competing.
yup,1 full year.

i know I've said this a hundred times before,but i really do want to take a moment to say to thank you (again)to all of you,for all the kind words and support i have received on this blog!!
it truly means so much to me,
and even though i wont be competing next year,
(ok,so maybe there might be one show i have my eye on in 2012)
you can bet i have some killer plans for 2012...
stay tuned to find out...
oh and about that secret...stay tuned for that as well
:D

TGIF yall!!!!!!!!!
time to make a pumpkin roll and some home made chicken noodle soup on this wonderful,cold fall day!!!
i love this weather and love it that i can finally sit back,relax and start enjoying this holiday season!!!!
Christmas shopping starts tomorrow!!!!!!!!

picture-this is what i brought to the stage....

i am at a loss for words...

i cant explain this one...


http://www.thenaturalmusclenetwork.com/IFPA/Contests/resultsIFPA20111029MD.html


but i guess attitude is everything!!!!

i will be eagerly awaiting judges feedback on this one,
i know my tan was FUBAR,
i know my posing was off,
i was sick.
i am hoping that is why.
because my physique was lean and conditioned,especially in comparison to the the 2 gals who placed above me.
posing can do either great or horrible things to the physique.i am sure(at least hoping!) that is what threw me under the bus.....


oh boy, i so want to tell a secret but i have to wait,
all i can say is that i thought i did well considering everything going on,
i am humbled to say the least,

its a long way to the top,and sometimes you have to hit bottom in order to be forced to travel the only direction you can,which is right back up to the top...


 it is what it is,
live,learn,grow,move on...
attitude is everything!!!!!
although i would be lying to say i am not heartbroken,
to say i don't feel disappointment,
to not feel mad at myself for not pushing through harder on my posing......
the list could go on with my mixed bag of emotions right now....

BUT
 i am choosing to learn from this
 and will use this as a catapult to make my "comeback" show better than ever!!!!

this is all i have so far....

so i finally found a single picture!!! right before i was about to go on for t-walk....
i love my curly hair!!!
and you can see my husband walking towards me in the black t-shirt with long sleeves underneath!
will post more pics once i can!!

halloween!

me,my husband and all 3 babies went trick or treating last night...
we all had a great time and little mckinnley discovered the taste of kitkats!!!! and a lolipop!
lol! this was her first experience trick or treating and she had so much fun!!!! wish i had more pics,but here are just a few!


i had an 80's rocker,GI Joe,and a little 50s girl.....

and oh yeah,not only did i eat too many sweets,i broke out in the crazy rash all over my body-it started right after the show and i am itchy like crazy!!!!!!!

attitude is everything!-show recap!

hi all! sorry for the delay in posting-i have not been feeling well lately!
first thing first-i don't know my placing just yet. i didn't make top 5,but I'm pretty sure I'm 6th. of course i could be totally wrong. this was by far the toughest class i have ever been up against!!!!
and this was by far the best show I've been to in regards to things running on time and very very very well ran backstage. awesome expediters,great promoter,and a very entertaining event (from what i saw of it!)

SO,ill try to make this recap brief-
we will start on Friday-2 hours of sleep,up early to head off to check in. got my polygraph,my numbers,and was off back home to get a 2nd coat of tan.
cleaned house,tried to eat,but wasn't feeling well at all.
managed to eat 4oz of rib eye steak with 1/2 a sweet potato and called it a night!
well, i was up ALL night. no sleep what so ever.
3AM i roll out of bed,get my final coat of tan on and at 4AM my glam squad Tracy came over to get hair and makeup did.
my tan wasn't dry when she came over,but i put my suit and clothes on anyways,which later turned out to be a big mistake.
so by now i am feeling lousy,my stomach is very upset. i try to eat and actually had 3oz of steak and 1/2 a sweet potato. i felt a little bit better and was able to enjoy tracy's company in the wee hours of the morning.
5:30 my hair is almost done,but i need to leave by 5:45.
5:35 the babysitter shows up,
5:45 my make up is being applied.
6:00AM we should have left 15 minutes ago.
in my rush to leave the house,i forgot my camera.
i forgot bikini bite
i forgot my green zip up jacket.
i felt very unprepared and disorganized.
but i took a deep breath and told myself that attitude is everything. i didn't need to worry about the small things today.
this was my day,and even though i had EVERYTHING going against me (this is an entirely different post to be coming soon) i decided right then and there to just roll with the punches and just sit back and enjoy the moments on stage,enjoy the time being able to be on this stage I've worked so hard to get to...and of course to not worry about anything and just have fun and do my best...
SO we leave the house at 6:05
it is pouring rain and almost freezing outside. snow was expected!
a cold, wet,dark dreary ride to the show...
i start feeling sick again.
7:42 we arrive.
18 minutes till show start and i had to do final touches on makeup and hair(which my hair looked GREAT btw!) and of course try to fix my tan.
thank goodness my husband had a trainer pass and was backstage with me!!!!!
he did the best he could with my splotchy tan and did great job at reassuring me everything would be OK.
then it was a mad dash to get lined up backstage. didn't have time to pump up aside from some pushups,and oh snap i forgot lip gloss!
oh well,no time to really get nervous,i just knew that from what my husband told me about this being a tough class,and from what little i got to check out the other girls in my class....yeah i KNEW i would have to bring it,i KNEW this would be the hardest show of my life.
and we filed on stage.
i got moved around some,towards the middle at first and then towards the ends. i knew once i was compared to the 1 and 2 gals,i was moving down in ranks.*sigh*
we were up onstage for about 25 minutes,holding quarter turns forever and a day.
and yall, i felt SO SICK. i thoughht i was going to throw up or pass out on stage.
i did my best to keep my composure,i tried to mask it,but my husband saw right through it. i heard him holler for me in the crowd,which helped some,and i would look to him to see if i was posing OK...
i was never more relieved to walk off stage!
i did feel confidant that i was able to hold my own,even though i didn't make top 5.
i felt happy with how my physique looked on stage and i KNOW there is nothing i could have done differently to have looked any better,especially given the circumstances leading up to the show (again,another post on that one)
all in all,i had given it my best shot.

i needed a few minutes backstage to get my stuff ready and to try to feel better. i needed to get some fresh air and be outside so me and my husband left the venue for a while. we went to burger king. he got a mocha joe iced coffee and hash browns and i just sipped on the coffee (yuuuuum!)
i started feeling a little better. it was really nice to just enjoy time with my husband,without the children running around. it may have been a cold,snowy,sleety rainy day,but i did enjoy that time sitting in parking lot with my feet up and relaxing with my man!we talked about the lineup and tried to figure out my placing based on how the judges moved us around. we both thought i was 6 or 7...
10:00 we get back to the venue,watch the end of BB and then off we go backstage to try to work on that tan of mine!
it was freeeezing backstage.
i get touched up and try to pump up,but i was still cold. time for t-walks now.
i am 8th/20 to go on.
i walk out to Ozzy.
'im not going away"
totally not expected,i was the only figure gal to have old school rock!
my t-walk was mediocre.
i just did basic poses,nothing sassy,sexy or classy likemost of the other girls.
ms plane jane...
oh well,
attitude is everything!
so i watch the other girls and had a really good time backstage freezing my rear off with the other girls. all of the pro ladies were so down to earth and it was really nice to be able to hang out with them and just feel relaxed and at ease.
time for awards,i knew i wanst top 5,but held my breath anyways,lol!
i hang around to watch the tall girls and then it was time to go,i was freezing,tired,hungry and ready to go home and see my babies!
didn't stay for rest of show or to talk with judges.
i KNOW what i need to work on.
I'm too small.
i don't have the mass some of these girls have.
I'm not sure if i was too lean or not this show,i didn't think i was,but my husband said i looked really really small on stage.
i did email the judges so I'm sure i will hear something soon.
i do have some decisions to make about competeing (again another post here!)

so the next stop on the way home.
subway!
the.best.sub.ever!!!!
subway club with cheese!!!
 and sun chips,and a diet coke...yeah only in America,i know!

and then it was home and spending time with the kiddos and baked pumpkin chocolate chip cookies!
I've been ina  sugar induced coma since then...i really need to slow down on the sweets,LOL!!!

so there is the long recap!
although it wasn't the day i was expecting to have,i am so proud of myself for pushing through with prep and being able to walk on that stage without feeling like i didn't belong there!
this was by far THE hardest prep i have ever had,emotionally,mentally and physically.. a lot of things were going against me,but i pushed through and made it to the stage!!!!
but as I've said time and time again,attitude is everything here. although things were hard,i tried not to stress,i tried not to make mountains out of mole hills,because if i did,things would have been a lot harder!!
 i do want to take moment to say a huge THANK YOU to all of those who have supported me along this journey and have been cheering me on along the virtual side lines!
it really does mean so much to me!
thank you to each and everyone of you!!!!!!!!
will try to find pictures and post them soon,i didn't have my camera with me at the show so i have to wait for stage pics to be up online...
grrrrrr
oh well,hope all are having a great Tuesday!
for those still reading along,bless your hearts! congrats for making it through the novel!
: D